Well folks, yesterday morning on a casual 6AM run my roommate and I drifted along the NYC streets with the crisp morning air in our lungs and sleepy dreams of the night prior in our minds. As transplants from (most recently) CT, I would be lying if I said we watched every time we crossed the street because quite frankly when you drive a car for so long, these things don't just pop into your mind regularly. Right as we came across 81st I saw that we did not have the right of way, my runner buddy...did not. My poor zealous friend collided with a huge black Escalide- I don't mean she just got hit, but she hit him! It was a mutual smash up in every sense of the phrase and quite frankly the noise may never leave my audible memory. Thank GOD she was OK- a few nasty bruises, a sore body, and hopefully an OK knee but I was semi shocked by my own reaction to the situation. During most times of crisis, I immediately enter mommy mode and know exactly what to do, when to do it, and the level of calmness it will take. This time, I almost lost it. At the moment of contact, I was not only so shocked by what was happening, but my fingers were literally inches from grabbing her shirt in an effort to help her avoid the whole thing. But I couldn't. I was completely powerless. I had to sit back and watch as the whole thing happened in front of me. For the almost weak moment that I almost lost it, I immediately snapped back into it and mommy mode presented itself to me again, thankfully. Yesterday's debacle, which quite frankly is a blessing because my best friend is still alive, made me realize 3 things. 1- this person is my best friend and I love her- more than I realized-and the thought of losing her was absolutely unacceptable in my mind. 2- the usual, you only live once. God literally plastered the image of my friend getting hit right in front of my face saying "HELLO- DO YOU SEE HOW QUICKLY THIS CAN ALL END?" 3- this is a big one for me that I just realized as I write this. Ultimately, we have no control. Yes, you control what clothes you put on in the morning, the words that come out of your mouth, the food you decide to make for dinner. But big life choices- love, family, friendship, even big career moves- we may have a hand in but in the end, what is meant to be is going to happen. Yesterday was another re-jolted reminder to stop trying to control everything, or worry about the outcome of situation, but just LIVE IN. Because the longer we wait to live, the sooner it is going to pass us by. And it is kind of a freeing feeling once you realize the control of these big life events, is out of your hands. It is especially freeing when you have faith that it will all work out as it should :)
- xoxo AA
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