The Days are Long but the Years are Short.

I am reading this awesome book right now called the Happiness Project (I highly recommend it) and this quote really resonated with me: "The days are long but the years are short." With so much change going on in our lives right now, sometimes it's hard to hold tight to those sweet, present moments. I'm headed out to NYC for a week and couldn't be more excited to spend some serious quality time with friends and family. It will likely be one of the last times I see them before we head out to Guam for 2 years of adventure. I've been thinking so much lately about this time with family and friends and how much I really want to enjoy it. And then this quote popped up and I knew exactly what I had to do. When I'm in NYC I'll have the chance to:

• Celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday (if you know her, pretend you don't know her age - she would kill me for publicizing it)
• Meet my high school best friend's new baby boy (all the feels for this little guy folks, what the hell is happening to me...HELP)
• Spend precious time with my Dad (this is a big one for me - we are both workaholics #success)
• Have lunch with my high school AP US History teacher and basically role model for all of my high school/college years in her garden (hello dreams coming true)
• See my NYC mama either 9 months pregnant or with a brand new child (M do you remember the times when we weren't sure if you'd even meet Mr. Right? Holy crap so many bad dates haha)

In sum  - these are amazing moments that I am so lucky to be apart of. I recognize the travel will be long and the logistics likely stressful. But these are the moments I will treasure and take with me when I leave. To really capture them - I plan to activate all of my senses. Smell the scent of my dad's home, my grandma's perfume, and for course the famous warm pee on the streets of NYC. Feel the tight hug of my Aunts, the hot and humid east coast summer air. See the bright lights, the used and worn subway cars, the masses of people as they head their ways. Taste the salty NYC bagels and the delicious pizza. Touch sweet baby boy's soft cheeks, and my friend's big baby belly. I'll capture mental pictures and take thought notes as I file all of these sweet memories in my heart and keep them close to me as we travel. This time is so important to me - I can't express how much these people I get to visit helped to shape my world and give me the love and support I needed and am so grateful for to this day. Squeeze your loved ones tight, all. :)

xoxo

- AM

Celebrate For Nice

I was lucky enough to be in this beautiful place: Nice, France winter/spring of 2009. On a long weekend trip from studying abroad in Firenze, Italia, my fellow students and I (read: American travelers who occasionally took some classes in Italy) explored this beautiful city the weekend before the Carnival festival. I'll never forget the gigantic carnival figurines that were being set-up. We watched them come to life high in the skies as we rode the giant ferris wheel in the city center. I'll never forget the magic of this great city, the beauty of its shorelines, adorable tiny blonde French children, and delicious croque-monsieur sandwiches (this was pre gluten/dairy free). My heart continues to break for everyone in our Western world, especially the French last night. Paris, France is #2 on my list of cities I love like humans (under my former boyfriend of course, NYC). When something happens to the French, I really feel it happens to us as Americans too because we fight for and believe in the same liberties and way of life. As a military spouse I won't go off on a tangent here regarding my thoughts on the American political system and the state of our international security. But rather, I'll speak from the seat of a yoga teacher here (my heart). I am sickened by the events that try to steal and threaten our celebrations as humans living in the great and free Western world. Instead of letting fear take over, I beg of you all to fight back...in celebration. This place, Nice - is such a meeting spot for celebrations. Bastille, Carnival - it's party town in the South of France people. So let's celebrate EACH and EVERY day and celebrate on for those who no longer can. One of my favorite things about being apart of the Western world is how much we celebrate everything. Independence day, Hallmark holidays, St. Patrick's day - you name it, we celebrate it. So let's celebrate on - please SMILE and be KIND to those around you. Celebrate life, celebrate love, and whatever you do, please keep on celebrating.
xoxo
- AM

All the Feels

This really awesome moment happened after 1 of my yoga classes yesterday. I always let people into my class late because really I don't care and also how frustrating is it when you hustle to get to class to then be turned away? Anyways, the student I let into class late came up to me after for a chat. I had met her the day before - she was getting back into yoga for the first time in years and I was happy to see her back at it again/good to know I didn't scare her away. She said she had something to tell me. She shared that she had finalized her divorce that day and though she felt confident in her heart it was the right thing to do, she was still was having a rough day. She thanked me for letting her into class - saying that is changed the tune of her day and she was so appreciative. I responded with thank you so much an gave her a hug (my usual). But then she said something that got me crying (naturally)- she said "no, I really want you to understand you have an impact on people. What you do - it really helps people." Cue all the feels - how lovely is this woman? Not only was I so happy to be able to help with a glimmer of happiness in her day, but it also made me feel like I had (good) fireworks going off inside of me. For the next few months, we made the choice for me to work full time at the yoga studio before we move to Guam. That was not an easy decision initially, but after much debating - it became the only natural decision and next step for me. I've felt so free ever since we made the choice - but to have this student share her sweet words with me was a culmination of everything I felt about this big shift. Interactions like with her were the EXACT reason I dove heart and soul into this adventure. It's insanely cool to be in a place (to quote my girl Gretchen Rubin from The Happiness Project) where I can say "I am lucky to be as eager for Monday mornings as I am for Friday afternoons."
xoxo
- AM

I'm Really Bad at this Guys

The other day my husband told me I was really bad a being vulnerable. You have to understand:
1. I try to be really good at everything I do.
B. I try to only do the things I'm good at and stand clear of the rest (I'm honest with myself about where my skill set lies haha)
2b. My sweet husband never tells me I'm bad at anything (besides giving directions) he's always complimenting me, so major red flag on your personal growth, Amanda.
Time to take a hard look at myself - I do hate being vulnerable. It sucks - if I could have all of believe you that nothing effects me and everything is fine all the time that would be awesome. Honestly, I do it for you. I never want someone else to be brought down by me or feel like they can't rely on me. I'm happy when I can make people happy so the opposite of that makes me sad. I also don't want to be little miss negative Nancy (sorry) all 'whoa is me' in the corner because I know how awesome my life is and how much more tough life is for so many of those in this world. I don't want to be an ungrateful boob. But I recognize life isn't all roses and rainbows. To break the news I hinted at in the last post - we are moving to Guam. Have-your-shit-together Amanda is super excited and truly feels like we've been given a gift to explore the world together the next two years. FREE of any real commitments and a chance to see places and experience cultures togethers we might never ever had the chance to otherwise in our entire lives. Vulnerable Amanda: scared shit-less. Not because of the actual move, but because of how the move puts me in all the vulnerable spots. I likely won't be able to take my day job with me: financial vulnerability. I have to rely to on my husband completely until I get up on my feet: emotional vulnerability. I have to be able to travel on a whim with his job: type-A freak out not being able to plan, vulnerability. I am finally being forced to chase my passion and do yoga full time: creative vulnerability. As you can see dear reader, this is my nightmare. Again, so pumped to travel - shade of panic over the fact that I will literally become vulnerable in every aspect of my life. And shit, it's time. I watched this awesome TED talk recently (you can check it out here: http://bit.ly/1GlL9DV) given by a woman who I really resinated with. Like me, super type-A and always wanting to have her ducks in a row at all times - she came to realize this wasn't actual living. That juicy feeling you get, that missing piece, butterflies in the stomach, heart jumping loops - that's life being LIVED. And you can't get that without being vulnerable. So let's do this - in Guam - let's LIVE life. I'll be vulnerable as all heck so likely a nervous mess for the first few weeks - but this is my chance. To really live it - to feel it - to make it happen.
xoxo :)
- AM

Take What Works and Leave the Rest

There is this awesome term in yoga called 'aparigraha' which means: non attachment or non possessiveness. It literally means "not grabby" or not hoarding with relationships, material possessions, money, energy, or time in your own life or in others. Aparigraha is 1 of the yamas (restraints) on the 8 limb path of yoga. This word has been coming up a lot for me lately in conjunction with another phrase I hear around our yoga studio a lot: "take what works and leave the rest." This idea of not being grabby with the people and things in your life is one that many of us might think we are super great at. I'm first to admit - I am not. For most of you that know me I am either a 0 or 100% gal - there isn't anything in between those 2 numbers for me. Having the sort of passion for others, things, and ideas can sometimes make oneself grabby. If you're my friend or family member you'll know that I'm loyal to a fault. But I'm hear to say that time has come for me to exert more aparigraha into my life. Hubby and I recently receive the gift of a once in a lifetime adventure (more to come on that in a later post :)) to explore and travel more than we could have ever dreamed of in our lifetimes. With this new opportunity, I feel a deep pull to take a closer look at the areas in my life where I can be less grabby. What are the material items I can really let go of - that I won't need to take on this adventure with me? What are the friendships that I just need to let be and give myself this opportunity to freely explore? What job am I holding onto that I think defines me as a member of western society and provides me with this idea of success that is actually just holding me back for better things to come? I'm not going tiny house minimalist on all of you, (just yet) (kidding, I still really love a fancy night at the Ritz) but seriously what am I holding onto that is just taking up space in life? Something my scholarly minded of a husband reminded me of is that when you are rich with financial security, this is what takes up your time. Spending, gifting, and maybe even investing the money is what your days are rich or filled with. When you are rich with time - with the chance to travel the world and have new experiences, take on new perceptions, live in new worlds - you become rich with experiences. What you thought money once gave you, experience now makes you feel the fullest. This is my commitment to letting go of my attachment to the outcome of this next season in life!
xoxo
- AM

I am a Belieber

Yes folks, it's real - I am. Having a spontaneous night with my girlfriend to scalp tickets to Justin Bieber's concert a few weeks ago was certainly the highlight of this deployment thus far. I highly recommend it to ladies of the like, screaming teenagers, or anyone who is just in love with the Bieb's beats generally. I'm sharing this post because I friend recently commented on this latest escapade as "girl, you are doing deployment right!!" and so I thought I'd share. So how does one "do deployment" right? I'm here to tell you I honestly have no idea. But from my experience thus far I've made a list of top tips I think will help you. Bear in mind this tips are specifically for the partner at home and pertaining to the partner at home. We could get into a whole slew of lists on partner aboard, helping partner abroad, being partner abroad. But let's remain focused people - it's the Biebs concert we're talking about here.

1. TREAT YO SELF! - I cannot say this one enough and that's why it's looks like your grandma accidentally wrote in all caps. I am a yogi and a Christian and so I realize idolizing anything other than what you believe in is a bad habit/short lived high. However, let's be honest here ladies...a brand new handbag on a crappy day, never hurt anyone. Splurging on Justin Bieber tickets on whim and dancing the night away - well I just don't know if we can be friends if that doesn't sound fun to you (reconsidering some serious relationships right now...).
2. Be kind to yourself- realize that you're going to have bad days and that there is NOTHING wrong with that. You are not the "queen" of deployments - who the hell wants to be really good at it anyways? Getting used to my main squeeze being gone is not something I'm interested in ever becoming fully on board with all the time - I like having him around too much. Making it work - 100% I am here to support and am on board with. But I recognize I need to be kind to myself when I'm having a mad/bad/sad moment (I was going to say day but let's get real here people, it's moment by moment depending upon how much dog pee I'm cleaning off the floor at that hour).
3. Get over it- people don't get it. And honestly, you wouldn't wish someone to be in your shoes just to get it. Looking for someone who understands your exact emotional state at any given moment is an unfair and unrealistic. Stop looking outward and start accepting inward - this is the first step. Accept that this is a season. Accept that almost every other person in the world is also going through a season of their own. Accept that asking "can we talk about something else right now?" is not rude but rather a perfectly fair response to "how is your husband's deployment going?"
4. Listen, don't speak- people are still going to share their dilemmas with you. Sorry to tell you but you're not on a high horse because your husband is serving the country. In fact put it in perspective - this is hard, but everyone else has tough stuff going on too. Also, it's not a comparison. You never know what someone else is struggling with or where they're coming from on the inside. Does that mean you have to give if you don't have anything to give away? No, absolutely not. But most times, people just want someone to listen. So - instead of causing a tisy in trying to find a way to respond. Just listen- don't get defensive. Don't get into it. Just. Listen. And then, miraculously I bet you this person will thank you for listening and ask you how you're doing! And if they don't, cut them some slack - the world doesn't revolve around you (this is a personal reminder haha).
5. Find a rhythm, then break it- this is a great one. I needed most right away a routine when hubby left. Once I got in my groove, then I knew I would be able to sail relatively smoothly. And I did - until I became exhausted from how busy I was keeping to avoid feeling lonely. For me, clearing my schedule to sit on the couch is not a conducive environment for my emotional well being. But sometimes doing something unplanned - calling a friend last minute to see if she was around to hang - was helpful. These spontaneous moments are the ones I remember most when I look back, not my purposely over packed schedule.
6. Take on a new challenge - have you been wanting to take a class? Learn new trade? Get a dog, (immediately realize it was a very choice decision on your part and you better figure out how to train this dog, damn it!)? Well now is your time! In all seriousness - as a married person you've been gifted 6 whole months to get your crap together. To become a better, more improved version of yourself for when your spouse comes homes. So take this opportunity and seize the day on self improvement!
7. Ask for help and say no - this was a hard one for me. Always be positive, yes. But if someone asks you how you're doing or if you need help - be honest. Take it and truly embrace where you're at and don't be afraid to share that. Sometimes saying "no" to things when you've just had enough is also the best decision you can make for you and those around. Check in, see where you're at, and come honestly from that place.

xoxo,

- AM

The Power of Choice On and Off the Mat

I taught my yoga classes this week around the idea of choice. It was such a powerful concept to me and one that is so close to home that I had to share!

Our day, what we make of it, our attitudes, our lives, and the way we live them is all up to us. We have a choice. And each time we choose - negative or positive. Kind or cutting. Workout or night out - we are saying something. We are giving into the way we feel about ourselves, the universe around us, and our role in it. The great new is that we have this power. We have this power to wake up every day and make choices. A lot of them. From the first foot we plant on the ground - where are we coming from? A place with an endless to-do list or a place of service to others for the day. When challenge stares us square in the face - do we choose to listen, understand, and learn something new? Or do we choose to resist and try to just get past it. Choose - make the CHOICE to choose wisely. Each and every day. Each and every act, thought, word, and feeling. The choices we make decide the path for our lives. And we are the ones living on that path, aren't we? So choose wisely.
xoxo
- AM

The Most Inspiring People I've Ever Met

A few weeks ago I was blessed enough to have this most amazing man and his girlfriend in one of my yoga classes I met them at the front desk and they were very kind and polite. I noticed the man was in a wheel chair and thought nothing of logistics - my favorite thing about the magic of yoga is that it is truly accessible to all. When we got into class I started teaching and it wasn't for a few minutes that I looked over and realized this man was a quadriplegic. And I was fully in awe of how beautiful his practice was. He used blocks to support his elbows and knees. In all honestly, his crow pose put mine to shame! But it wasn't the physical postures that got me with this student. It was the heart - this man, and frankly his girlfriend were so passionately involved in their practice, it was like watching a harmonious dance. Again, it wasn't something you could see in the physical. They were committed to their practices, moving through the asanas. They had mentally arrived and were committed to being present. They were committed to just be. And that my friends was so utterly inspiring. I was able to give them love at the end and the amount of strong, positive energy that surrounded these 2 was truly overwhelming. I chatted with them briefly after class and the funny thing is, they were sympathetic towards me for having a hubby deployed. Yowza that's some perspective - or really attitude shift. It's unbelievable what the body can do if the mind will allow it to. Most times we think we can't do something because we don't have it "in us." For this pair - they just said screw it and blew us all away. I do hope they come back one day - I truly enjoyed their presence and would love to roll out my mat and practice alongside them one day very soon. I also feel like I wasn't able to adequately express my gratitude for them being so awesome. So if you're reading this - thank you for being the most inspiring and tough individuals I've ever met. Go inside folks, you've all got an amazing light to shine from in there!
xoxo,
- AM

New Friends, Old City

Isn't it funny when you meet new people who are from the same city you once were that they instantly make you feel like home again? Last week I had the opportunity to meet a coworker who I've been working with for over a year now but had not actually spent any time with in person. We met for dinner - me, her, her bf, and my new sidekick puppy. It was as if we had known each other for years and immediately stepped into friendship. The best part was, my new "long lost" friend and her boo were from my old hood - NYC. And sitting and enjoying a meal with some NY-ers was just so God damn good, there are no words. It was like a breath of fresh polluted air, complete an imaginary scent of freshly urinated city blocks. It dawned on me - when we spend time with people who are where you come from makes it makes us feel rooted, grounded, and most of all...at home. Coming back to these people, even if they are new to our lives - it feels like they know us. We are in good company and being with these people who just seem to get us and what we are about - reminds us what we were made of. We all know at this point I'm a Cali convert - dog, "bummer" phrase, yoga teacher, and all and so of course I'm hoping to convert my long lost friend and her boo as well. But for now, I'm just glad a little bit of old NYC crossed my path. San Diego has my life, but NYC and its peeps will always have my heart.
xoxo,
- AM

Make-shift Love Languages

Sometimes when the person you love - you're better half, your soulmate - isn't physically present or can't be emotionally present you have to call on reinforcements to love. My hubby's love language is physical touch and mine quality time. The 2 worst love languages for couples who experience deployment - go figure! Fear not gentle people of the world, we got this. For me, writing this - expressing how I feel about it in hopes that the hubs reads (yaya shout out if your eyes are on this Hubs!) is a way to temporarily fulfill my love language of quality time. It fills up my love tank to know my hubs is caught up on all my thoughts, feels, and inner deep emotions. And trust me...there are a lot of those! Thank God the internet. Any who - how am I speaking his love language while he's gone? Photos! Keep your minds out of the gutter dear readers (only temporarily of course). Sending hubby photos and videos of me, the pup, our daily life, and sometimes furry challenges together - makes him feel like he's physically included. I get to fill his love tank by just sharing images and clips of our life back at home until he returns. So for me - I need to commit to something else here. With literal physical touch and quality time I need to give myself a task. I'm a process oriented, scheduled, type A kind of gal for whom structure provides comfort. So in lieu of the other love languages, I'd like to pull on acts of service and gifts (love languages that didn't pop for either of us on the quiz). Daily, I'd like to DO something for Drew. Anything big or small - send a care package, listen to a vent sesh, or put together a photo book (a pic of me and the pup a day so he can track growth). That way, I'll feel like we are still connected but in new ways. I'm more of an accountability gal hence why I'm sharing my commitments in writing - that way you can keep me to them. :)
Until next time! xoxo
- AM