I'm Really Bad at this Guys

The other day my husband told me I was really bad a being vulnerable. You have to understand:
1. I try to be really good at everything I do.
B. I try to only do the things I'm good at and stand clear of the rest (I'm honest with myself about where my skill set lies haha)
2b. My sweet husband never tells me I'm bad at anything (besides giving directions) he's always complimenting me, so major red flag on your personal growth, Amanda.
Time to take a hard look at myself - I do hate being vulnerable. It sucks - if I could have all of believe you that nothing effects me and everything is fine all the time that would be awesome. Honestly, I do it for you. I never want someone else to be brought down by me or feel like they can't rely on me. I'm happy when I can make people happy so the opposite of that makes me sad. I also don't want to be little miss negative Nancy (sorry) all 'whoa is me' in the corner because I know how awesome my life is and how much more tough life is for so many of those in this world. I don't want to be an ungrateful boob. But I recognize life isn't all roses and rainbows. To break the news I hinted at in the last post - we are moving to Guam. Have-your-shit-together Amanda is super excited and truly feels like we've been given a gift to explore the world together the next two years. FREE of any real commitments and a chance to see places and experience cultures togethers we might never ever had the chance to otherwise in our entire lives. Vulnerable Amanda: scared shit-less. Not because of the actual move, but because of how the move puts me in all the vulnerable spots. I likely won't be able to take my day job with me: financial vulnerability. I have to rely to on my husband completely until I get up on my feet: emotional vulnerability. I have to be able to travel on a whim with his job: type-A freak out not being able to plan, vulnerability. I am finally being forced to chase my passion and do yoga full time: creative vulnerability. As you can see dear reader, this is my nightmare. Again, so pumped to travel - shade of panic over the fact that I will literally become vulnerable in every aspect of my life. And shit, it's time. I watched this awesome TED talk recently (you can check it out here: http://bit.ly/1GlL9DV) given by a woman who I really resinated with. Like me, super type-A and always wanting to have her ducks in a row at all times - she came to realize this wasn't actual living. That juicy feeling you get, that missing piece, butterflies in the stomach, heart jumping loops - that's life being LIVED. And you can't get that without being vulnerable. So let's do this - in Guam - let's LIVE life. I'll be vulnerable as all heck so likely a nervous mess for the first few weeks - but this is my chance. To really live it - to feel it - to make it happen.
xoxo :)
- AM