Happy Monday everyone- and I truly hope it is- especially for my east coast friends/family as you enter into another frigid few days; the invitation to visit is always open. :) Anyways, I am writing to report back on my 1st NYR- not making friends/family into enemies during conflict. I am excited to report that I think I've gotten over the hump- of course there will always be set backs and roadblocks but I think I have finally begun to work on mastering this one. I won't lie- about a week ago I felt like I was slipping far away from working on this resolution. I lost sight of rational thought, got confused, and let my emotions get the best of me (damn it). Having experienced this 'speed bump' I made it my mission over the next week that if conflict or disagreement arose in any situation I would follow a series of steps, sticking to them no matter which emotions came up for me, and constantly kept my goal in sight. And…it worked! Here are the steps that helped me to correctly communicate my feelings, hear the other person out, and remember that in the end we are all humans trying our best :)
1. DO NOT react- in fact, shut your trap and don't talk at all.
2. Let the other person speak…you're still not supposed to be talking here. That includes thinking of rebuttals in your head. Listen up buttercup.
3. Recognize what the other person has said- that can include repeating back to them what they just shared with you, or better yet, tell them you understand their point(s) and can see where they are coming from!
4. Next (this is a biggie) ask engaging questions- really try to get to the root of what the other person needs. Here are some examples: "How can I support you in that? , "Are you ok?" , "What do you need?"
5. As the other person responds, LISTEN, yes, again, I'm sorry, I know it is hard.
6. At this point hopefully you are seeing where the other person is coming from. If at any point the convo isn't going smoothly- request another time to chat; nothing gets done when either person is heated.
7. Confirm/deny the ways in which you will be able to help the other person based on their request(s). Confirm that this resolution is ok with the other person.
8. Yours and my favorite part- ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED! YAYA TIME TO TALK! And don't be ridiculous, I too want a castle and a moot but we just can't have it all folks.
9. Ask the other person if they think they can help to fulfill any of these needs and how.
10. AGREEMENT! HUG, KISS, SHAKE HANDS- give a little physical contact to seal the deal peeps- nothing wrong with showing some love :)
Yes these 10 steps may sound easy and like their success only exists in a fairy tale world with a castle and a moot, but if you try and practice, practice, practice, I bet they will start to work for you. Granted, this is not going to work every time and we aren't perfect. Striving for perfection sucks (trust me) so let it go. But actively practicing more effective communication to help others as well as yourself, all while realizing that we are all humans and the people we surround ourselves love us and have our best interests at heart 99.999% of the time…can make your life that much more peaceful, at least it did for me :)
Until the next NYR- inspire some change in your own resolutions/goals/life!
- xoxo AA
"Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella
Monday, January 27, 2014
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
1.22.14: NY Resolution Help, Already!
Hello everyone! Happy 2014- I hope that you've had a glorious entrance into what I feel as though is going to be one of the greatest years. Like me, many of you similar goal oriented and organization junkies also wrote a pretty neat little list of your resolutions. Mine are all close to my heart and goals that I would truly like to continue to fulfill beyond 2014. The first 2 weeks went great, I really got into a groove and felt like I was crushing them. Fast forward to now, 22 days in, and I feel as though a few might be slipping through the cracks. I received some wonderful advice the other day that I am certain will be applicable in helping me keep my NY resolutions, goals, and even checking off that damn to-do list. That is: Inspire Change. If you notice habits that are keeping you from your resolutions or goals- recognize them, work to fix them, and inspire change. In effort to hold myself accountable I am going to share my NY resolutions with you (getting personal, yes, I know), write whenever I may be struggling with one, and share how I was able to (hopefully) inspire some change and make these babies last well beyond 2014! Wish me luck!
2014 NY Resolutions- to Infinity and Beyond:
1. Do not make friends/family enemies during conflict- this may seem like an odd one, but many times I have found that during conflict or a disagreement, I tend to make the other person out to be my enemy in order to protect myself or even to win the battle. This of course never gets me anywhere, is not a showing of leading by example, and in the end just isn't plain true. The people we chose to have in our lives nearly always have our best interests at heart, and like us, are just humans trying their hardest in this life. I am confident that coming to terms with and continuing to accept this will help me to truly understand myself and others better - enabling me to communicate even more effectively.
2. Incorporate yoga practice into daily life- this sound easy, but is sometimes impossible for me! Yoga has proven itself to be one of the best things for my body, focus, inspiration, heart, and soul. It is just the "showing up" part that I sometimes struggle with. No matter what class, most times I struggle to get there- but always leave feeling glorious. Each time on the mat is a completely different experience- and whether it is my worst or best class I learn a hell of a lot about focus, strength, and trusting my body. This one has got to happen this year- it's time to make my boutique yoga studio membership work for me this year!!
3. Go to the beach at least once a week- I am fairly certain that my friends and family at home are cringing at this one. But seriously people- I live in freaking San Diego, it shouldn't be difficult to find time to go to the beach! This goal is not geared towards tanning (GTL?), beach volley ball (yeah right) or swimming (not happening). This goal is simply to enjoy the beautiful surroundings I am lucky enough to live in. This goal, similar to yoga, is not about the social aspect, but rather the therapeutic effects just listening to the waves roll in, or having my bare feet touch the sand can have on the mind/body/soul. A 5 minute walk a day would be a ideal- just to smell the sea air and take in the simple natural beauty that I sometimes seem to completely forget about, walk past, or even take for granted.
4. Open a freaking business- I have at least 4 sticky notes saved that I've created over the years that say "Create a business by 26." Great news people- my birthday 26th birthday is in 37 days- it is time to get my buns in gear. There are definitely things in motion and work going on behind the scenes, but establishing an LLC by my birthday would force me to finally take a leap of faith on my ideas, invest in my passion, and take a step towards helping others.
5. Experience our Country- now that I have taken a year to settle down in my new home in SD- it is time to see the rest of the country! Don't worry, trips to Europe are in the 2 year plan, however, there are so many wonderful places in our own country that I still have not seen and most definitely want to explore. Not just the whole flight, hotel, dinner deal- but truly experiencing the culture of these cities. I am talking weather, history, microbreweries (gluten for this gal!), theaters, hole-in-the-wall restaurants, and people. One trip is on the books for Chicago- I am so excited but also hoping I don't freeze my ass off. Seattle and northern California are also on the list…and dare I adventure to say Hawaii?! ;)
OK that's all for now- I will be writing again shortly because as you can tell from my intro, I have already hit some roadblocks- nothing thisBig Girl in the Healthy City can't tackle :)
- xoxo AA
2014 NY Resolutions- to Infinity and Beyond:
1. Do not make friends/family enemies during conflict- this may seem like an odd one, but many times I have found that during conflict or a disagreement, I tend to make the other person out to be my enemy in order to protect myself or even to win the battle. This of course never gets me anywhere, is not a showing of leading by example, and in the end just isn't plain true. The people we chose to have in our lives nearly always have our best interests at heart, and like us, are just humans trying their hardest in this life. I am confident that coming to terms with and continuing to accept this will help me to truly understand myself and others better - enabling me to communicate even more effectively.
2. Incorporate yoga practice into daily life- this sound easy, but is sometimes impossible for me! Yoga has proven itself to be one of the best things for my body, focus, inspiration, heart, and soul. It is just the "showing up" part that I sometimes struggle with. No matter what class, most times I struggle to get there- but always leave feeling glorious. Each time on the mat is a completely different experience- and whether it is my worst or best class I learn a hell of a lot about focus, strength, and trusting my body. This one has got to happen this year- it's time to make my boutique yoga studio membership work for me this year!!
3. Go to the beach at least once a week- I am fairly certain that my friends and family at home are cringing at this one. But seriously people- I live in freaking San Diego, it shouldn't be difficult to find time to go to the beach! This goal is not geared towards tanning (GTL?), beach volley ball (yeah right) or swimming (not happening). This goal is simply to enjoy the beautiful surroundings I am lucky enough to live in. This goal, similar to yoga, is not about the social aspect, but rather the therapeutic effects just listening to the waves roll in, or having my bare feet touch the sand can have on the mind/body/soul. A 5 minute walk a day would be a ideal- just to smell the sea air and take in the simple natural beauty that I sometimes seem to completely forget about, walk past, or even take for granted.
4. Open a freaking business- I have at least 4 sticky notes saved that I've created over the years that say "Create a business by 26." Great news people- my birthday 26th birthday is in 37 days- it is time to get my buns in gear. There are definitely things in motion and work going on behind the scenes, but establishing an LLC by my birthday would force me to finally take a leap of faith on my ideas, invest in my passion, and take a step towards helping others.
5. Experience our Country- now that I have taken a year to settle down in my new home in SD- it is time to see the rest of the country! Don't worry, trips to Europe are in the 2 year plan, however, there are so many wonderful places in our own country that I still have not seen and most definitely want to explore. Not just the whole flight, hotel, dinner deal- but truly experiencing the culture of these cities. I am talking weather, history, microbreweries (gluten for this gal!), theaters, hole-in-the-wall restaurants, and people. One trip is on the books for Chicago- I am so excited but also hoping I don't freeze my ass off. Seattle and northern California are also on the list…and dare I adventure to say Hawaii?! ;)
OK that's all for now- I will be writing again shortly because as you can tell from my intro, I have already hit some roadblocks- nothing this
- xoxo AA
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