Take What Works and Leave the Rest

There is this awesome term in yoga called 'aparigraha' which means: non attachment or non possessiveness. It literally means "not grabby" or not hoarding with relationships, material possessions, money, energy, or time in your own life or in others. Aparigraha is 1 of the yamas (restraints) on the 8 limb path of yoga. This word has been coming up a lot for me lately in conjunction with another phrase I hear around our yoga studio a lot: "take what works and leave the rest." This idea of not being grabby with the people and things in your life is one that many of us might think we are super great at. I'm first to admit - I am not. For most of you that know me I am either a 0 or 100% gal - there isn't anything in between those 2 numbers for me. Having the sort of passion for others, things, and ideas can sometimes make oneself grabby. If you're my friend or family member you'll know that I'm loyal to a fault. But I'm hear to say that time has come for me to exert more aparigraha into my life. Hubby and I recently receive the gift of a once in a lifetime adventure (more to come on that in a later post :)) to explore and travel more than we could have ever dreamed of in our lifetimes. With this new opportunity, I feel a deep pull to take a closer look at the areas in my life where I can be less grabby. What are the material items I can really let go of - that I won't need to take on this adventure with me? What are the friendships that I just need to let be and give myself this opportunity to freely explore? What job am I holding onto that I think defines me as a member of western society and provides me with this idea of success that is actually just holding me back for better things to come? I'm not going tiny house minimalist on all of you, (just yet) (kidding, I still really love a fancy night at the Ritz) but seriously what am I holding onto that is just taking up space in life? Something my scholarly minded of a husband reminded me of is that when you are rich with financial security, this is what takes up your time. Spending, gifting, and maybe even investing the money is what your days are rich or filled with. When you are rich with time - with the chance to travel the world and have new experiences, take on new perceptions, live in new worlds - you become rich with experiences. What you thought money once gave you, experience now makes you feel the fullest. This is my commitment to letting go of my attachment to the outcome of this next season in life!
xoxo
- AM

I am a Belieber

Yes folks, it's real - I am. Having a spontaneous night with my girlfriend to scalp tickets to Justin Bieber's concert a few weeks ago was certainly the highlight of this deployment thus far. I highly recommend it to ladies of the like, screaming teenagers, or anyone who is just in love with the Bieb's beats generally. I'm sharing this post because I friend recently commented on this latest escapade as "girl, you are doing deployment right!!" and so I thought I'd share. So how does one "do deployment" right? I'm here to tell you I honestly have no idea. But from my experience thus far I've made a list of top tips I think will help you. Bear in mind this tips are specifically for the partner at home and pertaining to the partner at home. We could get into a whole slew of lists on partner aboard, helping partner abroad, being partner abroad. But let's remain focused people - it's the Biebs concert we're talking about here.

1. TREAT YO SELF! - I cannot say this one enough and that's why it's looks like your grandma accidentally wrote in all caps. I am a yogi and a Christian and so I realize idolizing anything other than what you believe in is a bad habit/short lived high. However, let's be honest here ladies...a brand new handbag on a crappy day, never hurt anyone. Splurging on Justin Bieber tickets on whim and dancing the night away - well I just don't know if we can be friends if that doesn't sound fun to you (reconsidering some serious relationships right now...).
2. Be kind to yourself- realize that you're going to have bad days and that there is NOTHING wrong with that. You are not the "queen" of deployments - who the hell wants to be really good at it anyways? Getting used to my main squeeze being gone is not something I'm interested in ever becoming fully on board with all the time - I like having him around too much. Making it work - 100% I am here to support and am on board with. But I recognize I need to be kind to myself when I'm having a mad/bad/sad moment (I was going to say day but let's get real here people, it's moment by moment depending upon how much dog pee I'm cleaning off the floor at that hour).
3. Get over it- people don't get it. And honestly, you wouldn't wish someone to be in your shoes just to get it. Looking for someone who understands your exact emotional state at any given moment is an unfair and unrealistic. Stop looking outward and start accepting inward - this is the first step. Accept that this is a season. Accept that almost every other person in the world is also going through a season of their own. Accept that asking "can we talk about something else right now?" is not rude but rather a perfectly fair response to "how is your husband's deployment going?"
4. Listen, don't speak- people are still going to share their dilemmas with you. Sorry to tell you but you're not on a high horse because your husband is serving the country. In fact put it in perspective - this is hard, but everyone else has tough stuff going on too. Also, it's not a comparison. You never know what someone else is struggling with or where they're coming from on the inside. Does that mean you have to give if you don't have anything to give away? No, absolutely not. But most times, people just want someone to listen. So - instead of causing a tisy in trying to find a way to respond. Just listen- don't get defensive. Don't get into it. Just. Listen. And then, miraculously I bet you this person will thank you for listening and ask you how you're doing! And if they don't, cut them some slack - the world doesn't revolve around you (this is a personal reminder haha).
5. Find a rhythm, then break it- this is a great one. I needed most right away a routine when hubby left. Once I got in my groove, then I knew I would be able to sail relatively smoothly. And I did - until I became exhausted from how busy I was keeping to avoid feeling lonely. For me, clearing my schedule to sit on the couch is not a conducive environment for my emotional well being. But sometimes doing something unplanned - calling a friend last minute to see if she was around to hang - was helpful. These spontaneous moments are the ones I remember most when I look back, not my purposely over packed schedule.
6. Take on a new challenge - have you been wanting to take a class? Learn new trade? Get a dog, (immediately realize it was a very choice decision on your part and you better figure out how to train this dog, damn it!)? Well now is your time! In all seriousness - as a married person you've been gifted 6 whole months to get your crap together. To become a better, more improved version of yourself for when your spouse comes homes. So take this opportunity and seize the day on self improvement!
7. Ask for help and say no - this was a hard one for me. Always be positive, yes. But if someone asks you how you're doing or if you need help - be honest. Take it and truly embrace where you're at and don't be afraid to share that. Sometimes saying "no" to things when you've just had enough is also the best decision you can make for you and those around. Check in, see where you're at, and come honestly from that place.

xoxo,

- AM