I'm Really Bad at this Guys

The other day my husband told me I was really bad a being vulnerable. You have to understand:
1. I try to be really good at everything I do.
B. I try to only do the things I'm good at and stand clear of the rest (I'm honest with myself about where my skill set lies haha)
2b. My sweet husband never tells me I'm bad at anything (besides giving directions) he's always complimenting me, so major red flag on your personal growth, Amanda.
Time to take a hard look at myself - I do hate being vulnerable. It sucks - if I could have all of believe you that nothing effects me and everything is fine all the time that would be awesome. Honestly, I do it for you. I never want someone else to be brought down by me or feel like they can't rely on me. I'm happy when I can make people happy so the opposite of that makes me sad. I also don't want to be little miss negative Nancy (sorry) all 'whoa is me' in the corner because I know how awesome my life is and how much more tough life is for so many of those in this world. I don't want to be an ungrateful boob. But I recognize life isn't all roses and rainbows. To break the news I hinted at in the last post - we are moving to Guam. Have-your-shit-together Amanda is super excited and truly feels like we've been given a gift to explore the world together the next two years. FREE of any real commitments and a chance to see places and experience cultures togethers we might never ever had the chance to otherwise in our entire lives. Vulnerable Amanda: scared shit-less. Not because of the actual move, but because of how the move puts me in all the vulnerable spots. I likely won't be able to take my day job with me: financial vulnerability. I have to rely to on my husband completely until I get up on my feet: emotional vulnerability. I have to be able to travel on a whim with his job: type-A freak out not being able to plan, vulnerability. I am finally being forced to chase my passion and do yoga full time: creative vulnerability. As you can see dear reader, this is my nightmare. Again, so pumped to travel - shade of panic over the fact that I will literally become vulnerable in every aspect of my life. And shit, it's time. I watched this awesome TED talk recently (you can check it out here: http://bit.ly/1GlL9DV) given by a woman who I really resinated with. Like me, super type-A and always wanting to have her ducks in a row at all times - she came to realize this wasn't actual living. That juicy feeling you get, that missing piece, butterflies in the stomach, heart jumping loops - that's life being LIVED. And you can't get that without being vulnerable. So let's do this - in Guam - let's LIVE life. I'll be vulnerable as all heck so likely a nervous mess for the first few weeks - but this is my chance. To really live it - to feel it - to make it happen.
xoxo :)
- AM

Take What Works and Leave the Rest

There is this awesome term in yoga called 'aparigraha' which means: non attachment or non possessiveness. It literally means "not grabby" or not hoarding with relationships, material possessions, money, energy, or time in your own life or in others. Aparigraha is 1 of the yamas (restraints) on the 8 limb path of yoga. This word has been coming up a lot for me lately in conjunction with another phrase I hear around our yoga studio a lot: "take what works and leave the rest." This idea of not being grabby with the people and things in your life is one that many of us might think we are super great at. I'm first to admit - I am not. For most of you that know me I am either a 0 or 100% gal - there isn't anything in between those 2 numbers for me. Having the sort of passion for others, things, and ideas can sometimes make oneself grabby. If you're my friend or family member you'll know that I'm loyal to a fault. But I'm hear to say that time has come for me to exert more aparigraha into my life. Hubby and I recently receive the gift of a once in a lifetime adventure (more to come on that in a later post :)) to explore and travel more than we could have ever dreamed of in our lifetimes. With this new opportunity, I feel a deep pull to take a closer look at the areas in my life where I can be less grabby. What are the material items I can really let go of - that I won't need to take on this adventure with me? What are the friendships that I just need to let be and give myself this opportunity to freely explore? What job am I holding onto that I think defines me as a member of western society and provides me with this idea of success that is actually just holding me back for better things to come? I'm not going tiny house minimalist on all of you, (just yet) (kidding, I still really love a fancy night at the Ritz) but seriously what am I holding onto that is just taking up space in life? Something my scholarly minded of a husband reminded me of is that when you are rich with financial security, this is what takes up your time. Spending, gifting, and maybe even investing the money is what your days are rich or filled with. When you are rich with time - with the chance to travel the world and have new experiences, take on new perceptions, live in new worlds - you become rich with experiences. What you thought money once gave you, experience now makes you feel the fullest. This is my commitment to letting go of my attachment to the outcome of this next season in life!
xoxo
- AM