Love

Hello world! I've missed you...somewhere between sifting through the new fancy excel documents in my new job, breakfast for dinner with my man in uniform, and Sunday's in the park with grandma- I have almost forgotten about my blog! Naturally the light when off when I realized I had something to discuss and remember duh I have somewhere to put it! LOVE- no not just the romantic crazy once in a lifetime stuff, but the human compassion kind. I've been seeing it a lot around recently and it all started with my Pastor's wife's sermon to my church on Mother's Day. Usually a tough day for me, I went into this particularly sunny Sunday giving those around me an honest heads up about how I felt about the day. Walking out of church with surprisingly the same amount of dry tissues I entered with (a rarity for many of us that attend Hillsong, and especially for me on such a day) I was shocked by my reaction. Though Mother's day was about a mother's lover- I realize motherly love doesn't just come from moms and isn't only received by children. As I went about my week I started to see the love all around me. Of course the love and support of my own lover, but also from family and friends and even random people on the streets. It was the small acts of kindness that started really sticking out to me once I became aware of how many different forms 'motherly' look could take. I saw this most recently with my new friends at work- new friends who have started to try and make every effort to make me feel as comfortable and accepted as they so desired on their 1st days on the job as well. I heard it in stories, 1 in particular that touched my heart from my grandmother and a close friend that showed her the kind of caring attentive love that she needed. And I saw it in myself when I found out my brother was leaving sooner rather than much later for USMC boot camp. The instinct to immediately make every effort to ensure we A. got to see each out and B. that his short time left before he shipped out was made special. And I was even lucky enough to see some real motherly love- with a woman and her son the subway. So mesmerized by this tiny baby, she inspected every little finger and toe, kissing each one as she became more excited by the next. Love is something that in the recent weeks I have not only become more grateful for, but something I have learned can take different forms of course. And in my experience, it is when you learn to love in different ways, whole heartily and not caring of how silly or ridiculous it looks- it is then the you can feel the true unbelievable effects of love. So for all of you that love me- thank you!! I love you too :) And too all of you who don't want to let the love in- open up the flood gates! Because once you feel it, you'll never want to go back. And that lesson alone made me realize that mother's day doesn't have to be a dark day for me, but rather it can just be a celebration of love in every form every year :)
xoxo AA

Listen Up

Why is listening so hard for some of us? Though it has been something I have been personally working on in 2012 (a resolution in fact) and though working in sales has definitely made me a better listener, I still find that I struggle with it. I am writing this post as a means to maybe help myself figure it out, and in the process if you do too, then awesome. But it even starts there- maybe the person who I want to read this most won't even be 'listening' to my writing. This is certainly not directed at one person, but sometimes the people we want to listen the most just won't shut the F up. I myself landed in a pickle of the sorts this week. When I hear a problem I immediately start strategizing ways to fix it.  I consider myself an active listener- I share my honest thoughts on solutions and next steps when the person is done talking. Isn't that what everyone wants to hear? Apparently not. Here's what I am saying- if you are not ready to hear someone's perception of the truth then you probably shouldn't ask. And if you are, well then you don't need to ask me because I am most likely already trying to solve the problem ;) Come to think of it, how am I even genuinely listening if all I can think of the entire time is my response? And why is it so hard for many of us (really hope I'm not alone on this one) to just hear someone out and not respond? Is it that we feel the need to contribute to the conversation in order to prove to the other person that we were in fact listening (tell tale trick in college, response equals recognition). Or is it that we are responding to someone else's dilemmas in an effort to figure out our own? Either way- I learned something this week. First of all- an apology. For any of your reading this- if you've ever wanted me to listen and I just wouldn't shut up...I am sorry (please know it is always out of love). Secondly, I am still trying to come to a better understanding of true friendship. Most of my friends tell me they respect honesty and want the truth. So what is it then- do we want to hear the truth or do we want to hear what will make us feel better? If those 2 are 1 in the same; great! If not; trouble. Finally after all of this I am just realizing that moral support does not only come in the form of words, but in the form of silence. There are many times in life I now realize that silence can sometimes be the most calming through the storm. Plans to clean up the mess later can always wait but it seems as though a sense of peace and tranquility is 1st needed by many (myself include) before we can pick up and try to figure it all out again. In the end, this reminds me of my relationship (and many people's relationships) with God or whatever higher power you believe in. In my faith, God is always there to listen- but I notice how He does not talk back, or immediately at least. It's like He is always there to listen and responds only when He knows I am ready to hear what He has to say. That is definitely something I am going to strive towards- because for some reason the answers always seem to come that way- regardless of the approach :)
xoxo
AA